Shouldn't…but Do

Identity is an interesting thing.

You have to have an identity before you can lose it, or have it stolen. But few people seem to develop an identity until, well, they recognize it is missing.

Identity loss is rampant. Be cheery when you aren’t, spread cynicism when you can’t hold your own, loss of containment at the core, an inability to remain authentic. Everyday life. You lose.

Identity is purely a reflection of its bearer. While society reduces identity to data – social security, drivers license numbers – and the like, identity is just as often found in religion, occupation, hobby or calling.

I muse these details as I fill out IRS Form 14039, Identity Theft Affidavit.  X stole my social security number to purloin the far better part of the annual tax refund.

With dark hilarity I recognize “identity theft” as a hallmark of a bad relationship, or at least of mine. The longterm, erstwhile drain of the person I knew once to be myself.

Was it theft? The social security number was. I guess I let the rest happen, participated even. But even now, recognizing what I am not anymore, I cannot stop the drain, the theft beyond my control. I am tired.