Shouldn't…but Do

Mid-February.  Melting snow finds her in her house as snow turns to water – things are changing states.

The voices of birds strengthen by the day.  A cacophony that formerly brought comfort, now frightens.

Her children have passed the midpoint of the school year, Spring Break beckons in April.  But first comes March.

On Tuesday, March 8, the Great Trial begins.  Stayed from December, she anxiously watched each day fade to the next, bringing the Great Trial yet closer.  No day is free of its clutch.

No money is left.  From the $14,000 she had last year, she is now $4,000 in debt in attorney fees.  Her life is small, her income is too.  Rigorous budget efforts to keep her household in the black are laughable against $300 an hour legal fees.

But she is grateful to the Very Expensive Attorney, a woman of considerable legal stature and knowledge.  She is mindful that a price must be paid.

Weekly meetings between her, the Confused Soul, and the family therapist, have brought some clarity.  The Confused Soul seeks to force his children to travel weekly between houses – a modern arrangement – but deeply unwanted by his children. Humiliated she stayed so long in the camp of this one, she wonders aloud about her deep self, but she has her children, and that is enough.

She cannot see the Other Side, she is told there is one.  She will be at least $20,000 down the road by the end of the Great Trial.  This should not be, she thinks.  The topic is so painful to her, she does not even write in first person.

So much for fight or flight.  Evolution did not take into account the Confused Soul.  I watch the skies for signs, I listen to my ground, I wait.