Shouldn't…but Do

It is the eve of the Great Trial.

Some years ago, I came upon a quote by C. G. Jung, wishing is not mere hoping.  It stuck with me for years, a burr in the side of hope – a quality I have cherished often and long.

In life, if one can outwit cynicism and eschew heartlessness, one hopes for the best.  How could hope be a lesser sibling to wishing?

Through the year and a half since my marriage ended, hope has been a constant companion.  As time wore on, and I wore down, even hope began to lose its lustre.  Not long ago, in the thick of it one day, I realized wishing is indeed, not mere hoping.

Hope is beautiful, fragile, can be dashed.  Flighty, fallible, of the air and of this world, hope arrives and departs.

Wishing is visceral, of the deep gut and beyond – to the stars – wishing is the deep imprint of our time here.  Life is the gift, but wishing is the work, the onward will into existence, to be lived, to be survived.

I had hoped my children and I would be spared a greater or  lesser trial, but it was never to be.  So tonight – on a wish and a prayer – I send this post.  From me to you – please think, please wish, please pray for me and my wonderful children.

Many things I have learned from this ordeal, much more I am sure to see.  But forever will I hold in my heart the love, and the compassion, I have felt throughout it all with a little help from my friends.  Thank you and bless you.