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Status of status

Returning to our regularly scheduled programming…

According to Monarch Watch, overall monarch migration numbers east of the Rockies are down.  The autumn migration is underway with Mexico-bound monarchs just broaching drought-stricken territories in Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, and Texas – as the report put it, 1000 miles of hell – a nearly flowerless / nectar less and waterless expanse.

Our six intrepid adventurers remain chrysalis-bound as days grow shorter, nights colder, and nectar bearing flowers in my own garden begin to fade.  Emergence is expected within two to eight days.

Will these stalwart individuals survive their transformation?  Will  daytime temperatures and nectar supplies still support life when they do emerge?  Can they endure the journey south and navigate  inhospitable terrain to find their own kind?

…Wait, this sounds like life after divorce…

Stay tuned.

Off the wall

Mirror, mirror I know so well
What of me if off your hook?
I cannot tell – it could be hell
with nowhere else to look

Mirror, mirror on the wall
What is it beyond you?
Mixed up things, unseen dreams
no lyric to form my songs to

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Tell me not your secrets
As you are so once was I
limited by the view

So I will come another day
To see what lies behind you
To dash for whispers before I’m crushed
Try to speak before I’m hushed

Mirror, mirror, gone to black
It will be some time before I’m back
For as you are so once was I
And now I’ve gone beyond you.

Status

Six chrysalis. Pale green and gold that should belong only to the wee folk, borrowed.

Quiet. Still. Seemingly asleep.

But  – given their gestation from caterpillar to butterfly is only nine to fourteen days, the change taking place must be terrific.

Never judge a book by its cover.

Nothing to say

Closets are interesting.  They hide from view artifacts of life and not-oft used objects that need to rest a piece.  Some closets are fancy, most are not. Closets hold what we cherish and what we need – whether useful or not.

All closets need a good sorting at some point.

In my case, it is the cupboard under the stairs, wherein objects  from different ages reside.  While I am opulent in retention of things relating to my children, memories from my own past are best moved along.  The thing – me – speaks for itself.

I found an old answering machine, 1998 does not seem that long ago, but I guess it is.  Packed in its original box, it hails from Canada where I  lived after my first life, and before this one.  Cats and humans are sometimes not so different.

Couldn’t help but plug it in – the idea of a message, even my own greeting  from the ether was compelling. 

A tinny, electronic voice repeated No message…no announcement.  Time and disconnection erased all else.  A deeply factual statement.

Closets are good for things remembered well.  And for me,  that includes things that remember – that also speak for themselves.  There is room for nothing more.

Nightmares

Try this at home when alone, and fully alert.

Sit in a chair, or stand purposefully.  At the same time – clap your hands loudly together and sternly and sharply speak  the words wake up out loud.

I hope it works for me.

Equinox

The seasons turn faster, the days run shorter, each moment sinks deeper.

Autumn.

Hanging around

Captivated by this caterpillar business.

The scoreboard reads: four monarch caterpillars in chrysalis, one almost there, and one still prowling for milkweed.

Surprise at the utter disappearance of large caterpillars into small, almost gossamer slippers has given way to respect for the implacable stillness of a caterpillar awaiting its event horizon – the moments when its final immature form is shed  for a sheath of chrysalis and future life.

Awaiting that transformation,  a monarch caterpillar hangs upside down from its hind feet,  head rounded  up, looking very much like a “J.”  Formerly robust activity is forgotten, inquisitive tentacles droop.  Though caterpillar form is still present – whatever it was,  is gone.  Interiority.  Lost within itself – literally.

I wonder if eyes still see its passing world. Even without choice, I wonder about courage.

The environment and its larval caterpillar form delivered it to this moment.  The ending of this form, the shedding of its skin will occur within the next 24 hours, and then it too – like Mr. Saturday Night – will be gone.

Birth, life, recognition of outmoded ways, liminal stillness awaiting the numinous.  The life of a caterpillar.

Autumn’s Way

This morning I paused at my son’s school to look eastward. The sun rose, a butter yellow disk through lifting fog.

Partial wetlands blanket the school campus and a tributary runs directly beneath a light walking bridge to the school. Slimmed by meager rain, the stream itself wandered between burgeoning banks of seasoned flora – echinacea, aged goldenrod, grasses, stream loving plants.

From the bridge, such colours – deep browns, licks of purple, gold, red, green, grey, chartreuse, puffy, stiff, dispersed seedheads of every kind – an autumnal cloak the likes of which I have never seen. To hold, to wear such a thing, to be a plant among such company, a sensuality far beyond a crisp summer day.  A  fine mist blurred the colours, just as age blurs my own eyes.

Later I spoke with the school secretary, mentioning the autumn finery — she spoke exuberantly about trees just hinting of the show to come.  In time – yes, the trees will seem gaudy next to their shorter competition  — but for now, my attention is to the ground, the carpet of cooling, pooling, passionate colours that lay as gifts around my feet.

Mr. Saturday Night

Mr. Saturday Night is no longer —  I miss him already.

Mr. Saturday Night was an adventurous monarch caterpillar given to escapist feats. Placed in a jar for his own protection against winged predators, he had a penchant for wriggling out air holes and heading on down the highway, or at least the end of the shelf.

Big, striped, and saucy, that boy had a way about him.   Nobody could put down a milkweed leaf like he could.

And he is gone.

Yesterday, after hanging upside down for about a day, he sloughed his skin and disappeared into a jade-green chrysalis about one-third the size of his formerly formidable caterpillar form.

The root meaning of metaphor is to transfer, carry over or across.  Metamorphosis is to change, or transform.  Metamorphosis has always been a florid metaphor for human transformation.

We all know the story of the caterpillar and the chrysalis –  monarch butterflies are beloved for their beauty, their shape-shifting, and their migratory bent.  To me, they represent a life-long interest.  When young myself, I witnessed the same journey I now see again in Mr. Saturday Night and five of his closest friends.

Everyone sees what they will.  After years of troubling divorce and continuing instability, the permanence of the change in Mr. Saturday Night – his reduction to goo,  his sturdy reliance on unshakeable instinct to lead him forward – leave a deep impression on me.

Prior form is utterly gone – we have the shed skin to prove it.  Yet he survives, interior, contained, and changing.  His instinct, our faith,  he needs only to endure and follow his path to the sky.

At their age, my children are saddened by the disappearance of these beautiful caterpillars, they wonder at the change – and wait to see if nature holds good on the promise.  I do too.

Along the way

Crisp day, a turn toward autumnal.

Quiet day in the neighborhood gave way to rushing, oncoming traffic. Trucks rumble by close enough to feel their wake.  To the car repair shop via sidewalk, a piece down a busy road.   Attention pivots away from vehicular onslaught.

Mountain Ash…a scrubby tree with top full of orange berries reaching for light, resides  on the north side of a house that has seen better days.   Cedar Waxwings covet those berries when days cool further, beautiful birds.

A stand of common milkweed beyond cracked pavement catches my eye.  Monarch caterpillars that grow to magnificent butterflies feed upon these plants, absorbing the toxicity of the plant into their skin  – making them unpalatable to predators.  You are what you eat.  No leaf damage here, not a caterpillar in sight.

“Excuse me,” an upcoming runner dodged around me and took a near, and pleasant looking side street.

Two tractor trailers, engine brakes engaged, roll past too fast – what am I doing here?

Looking up for escape – an eyeful of Simpson’s clouds.  Cumulus clouds bearing precise resemblance to the opening scene  of the popular, but irreverent, animated television show of the same name.  Meteorology, please forgive me.

Only a few weeks ago my boys and I were above those clouds looking down – cannot help but smile for the memory of family and friends seen again along the way.

Struggling young ornamental pear, half a dozen trees, planted a couple of years ago when this thoroughfare was widened, working at survival in the foreground of an empty lot.

A large old maple here, guards a pumpkin patch set back off the road.  Powdery mildew is making fast work of those vines, exposing pumpkins ripened early by unusual summer heat.

Black metal bench and trash can front another vacant lot.  Hidden here is the geocache my children and I found last December.  Still here.

Almost there, sumac bobs in full sun, tight ruddy fruit clusters like those in my parents backyard years ago.  Those seed pods always were a little too tense for me.

Rounding the corner, I spy Buckbeak, finished, parked and waiting, my time travel ended for now.  When avoiding the unpleasant, a lot to be seen – and said – for things noticed along the way.