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Archive for the ‘Reflections on the everyday’ Category

There are many type of gardens, most improve with age.  And sometimes age says more about the gardener than the garden.

For as long as I recall, my mother kept a fair-sized garden at the house where I grew up.  Only the second place she ever lived, her garden welcomed many varieties and the occasional native plant, long before native plants were popular in residential gardens.

It was not until my mother was into her 70’s that I learned she did not come to gardening on her own.  It was the chain-smoking, bottle-blonde older neighbor with an affinity for Yorkie dogs that introduced her to the hobby. The neighborhood was new then, mostly rancher homes with no landscaping save  for the barren hardscape of a construction zone.

Mother of two when she moved in, eventually two more children came along, and the garden began to take shape.  Phlox, lilies, ornamental shrubbery, scrub oak, columbine, and a host of perennials came and stayed for the duration. A few larger trees arrived over the years, an Austrian pine, Linden, Quaking aspen, Hawthorne, and Mountain Ash, several of which remain today.

My mother was reliably found in the garden, enriching the soil year after year with a cup or two of peat moss in each planting hole, dipped out of a colorfully painted tin cup that was old even when I was young.

The gardening styles of my mother and I are wholly different.  While my mother established and tended the mainstays of her garden for decades, I cultivate changeability, welcoming volunteers, being romanced by new introductions, stalking my garden with a trowel in one hand and unexpected entrant in the other, looking for the right spot–or sometimes any spot. Her garden was steady, mine forever shape-shifting.

My mother retired some time ago, her garden figuring prominently in each day after that.  She volunteered for years at the local botanical garden, and there is a bench there that bears her name. When I visited home, we walked and talked in the garden, discussing plants and their habits.  As any gardener knows, one of the secrets of a garden is its timelessness.  There is no before, or after, there is simply the face of the garden as it is now.

I visited again last August.  In her 90th year, my mother does not have a great deal of short term memory.  There had been talk of a move to assisted-living, as aging in place with assistance simply wasn’t enough anymore.

After I arrived, we chatted inside the house. I had the discomfiting feeling that my mother could not altogether place me. While I was used to reintroducing topics or people, this was something different.

As we spoke, I glanced out the picture window that takes in a terraced garden in the back of the house.  The garden, long home to a community of robust plantings, was three-quarters covered by an invasive grass, beautiful in the breeze, but entirely hiding the differentiated species that may yet be struggling there. Startled, I asked her about the grass.  She looked out unperturbed, saying only that it grew well there.

Though lovely, the grass is homogeneous, smothering wherever it grows, it has nothing to say and little to show.  A metaphor of the mind, the grass had overtaken the decades of detail of the life that tended it. The gardener is no longer in residence.

A few weeks later, my mother moved into a beautiful assisted living facility.  There are kind people, good meals, and interesting activities.  She adjusted well, with help, over time.  There is a sunny courtyard in which to walk and the garden that I thought she would miss does not come up in our telephone conversations.

COVID-19 is stalking the residents of assisted living and nursing facilities throughout this country.  Family visits curtailed, packages quarantined, employees tested for symptoms on each arrival. But like seeds of invasive grasses, the progenitors of COVID-19 are rarely seen, showing only after the virus has taken hold in a fragile human ecosystem. Like everyone around the world, we can only wait.

On my next visit, I will bring starts of some of the plants in her garden with me, and her garden will live on, far from its original setting. That is the way with gardens, even when the gardener goes home.

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Rain falling on a sloped skylight gently shrugs distant treetops downward.  But it is raindrops on the skylight, not the trees, that are falling.

From below in a beautiful protected space, tears fall down my face. I will be okay. It is the tears that are falling, not me.

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Driving into my neighborhood on Thursday afternoon, I noticed a pile of leaves by the side of the road.

Cold weather took many trees by surprise and there remain leaves blowing about, stacking up, and blowing off again.  This pile seemed different.

Slowing down, I saw an adult opossum, curled on its side, jaw slack in a half-smile.  Sadly, it wasn’t playing dead this time.

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Playing Dead

Lying half-curled on its side in leaf debris, head limp, jaw open in a reflexive curled smile, the full grown opossum was dead.

My two dogs, neither youngsters, danced around it, lunging, grabbing it in their mouths, and throwing it back down. By the time I got there, I surmised my female dog had done what she usually does with rodents, birds, or in this case, a marsupial—a forceful shake and the neck breaks.

Because of the potential for these nighttime encounters, the female goes out on a leash in my fenced backyard, otherwise she is impossible to corral, hunting is her thing. My male dog, her dad, is bigger, but not as twitchy fast.

Once I got my female stuffed in the house, I ran to stop him from pouncing on the body, mouthing it, and throwing it around. A nightmare vision of the opossum returning fully vitalized with angry eyes and pointy teeth gnashing at my dog and my hands ran through my head.

Finally separated, my thoroughly insulted dog was difficult to push in the door, but we got there.

The opossum lay prone, unmoving. I apologized to it and made plans to dispose of the body in the morning, hoping there was truth in the slang, “playing possum.”

Playing dead is common. People do it all the time in relationships, jobs, and in the face of overwhelming aggression. For humans it exacts a serious toll, the burial of honest reaction, hope, potential, and pleasure. But for some, it means survival.

For opossums, it means the same. When I looked 45 minutes later, it was gone.

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“Life is a highway, I’m going to ride it all night long…”

So says Tom Cochrane in the song blasting across the common area of a university on Move-In day.

Volunteers offer help, parents tote packages, the sound of luggage wheels.  Some lines at the check-in tent, but many frosh passed through last night.

The clock tower chimes 9:00 AM.  SUV’s jockey for position. Change is in the air at colleges across the US on Move-In day.

At this eastern university, aspiration goes to ground as the realities of the school year take shape.  New roommates, shared spaces, the dual challenge of new curriculum and creating an identity outside of familial glare.

Traffic is picking up.  The Yard teems with stories.  Parents engaged in the shuffle or standing clear, pondering the end of one era, and the beginning of another. Newly minted freshman are on the move.

“Don’t stop believin’, hold on to that feeling…”

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I have a little Blue Dot
that goes in and out with me
and what can be the use of him
is as far as the eye can see–

He’s very very like me from the left and from the right,
And I see him walk along with me
down the street, or out at night.

The funniest thing about him
is the way he likes to go–
Keeping time and pace with me,
the Blue Dot is always in the know.

As I gaze down upon him
on the device within my hand,
I feel a friendly gratitude for his help upon the land–
or on the sea, or wherever on this broad broad earth
that I might happen just to be.

Guided by the ether, the Blue Dot never strays,
a solid sense of position is provided every day.
No time is ever needed to reckon out the map
And only loss of cell reception offers him a nap.

I have a little Blue Dot,
that is helpful as can be-
And what can be the use of him
is as far as my eye can see.

 

*The blue dot familiar to users of Google Maps owes it invention to the Space Race and the development of the Global Positioning System (GPS) by the US government.

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Finally sitting in the garden.  Sun still high, but evening breezes push shadows along.  Monarch butterflies caper together as hummingbirds zip dutifully among nodding flowers.

I rarely sit in the garden in which I labor so intensely.  I am not sure why.  But I am tonight.  As I always hope, it is timeless.  Changed by the years and neglect, but rebounding more strongly than my mortal frame ever will.

There are two chairs in the front of my garden.

Two is civil.  My children once sat here with me, they are grown.  Long gone, the Confused Soul refused to sit here, afraid of dirtying his clothes.

The other chair may remain empty, but that is okay too.  Between the past, present, future, and all that lives in this garden and passes through it, there is plenty of company to go around.

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On walkabout with the moon riding high
Northbound, my shadow leads the way
Southbound, I follow the moon
Isn’t it so.

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On a train trip not so long ago, I saw…

  • Cars stopped for the train
  • A small poodle-mix dog, pawing at a gate in a wet backyard full of abandoned equipment.  Children on the outside of the gate board a school bus.
  • Quiet understory trees, evenly spaced, waiting for a sunny break
  • Fields of wet and muck
  • Remnant tracks and trails
  • The regular, but not unwelcome, call of the train
  • Trees in various phases of dress, from bare to almost fully leafed
  • Christmas lights, strung and lit
  • Ditches, makeshift bridges
  • Fields of logged trees, massive trunks, cut, piled and strewn like a child’s Lincoln Logs
  • Sleeping blueberry fields
  • Crop fields yet unplanted, with irrigation laid
  • A coal train, its cars full and uncovered, moving quickly in the opposite direction, seemingly feet from my viewing window
  • Leafless hybrid apple trees clutching their trellis with arms akimbo
  • A toppled creche, half the holy family bleached by sun lying face down in spring mud
  • Prefabricated greenhouse, lit from within by a pink-red glow
  • Topless storage tanks, in various moods, from full to empty. Piping, planks, tires and RV parts that have seen better days.
  • A leggy black dog with awhite-tipped tail nosing grass
  • Through a window, a woman lies abed in an Urgent Care facility, waiting attention
  • Canada goose, slowly rippling across an otherwise still pond
  • Fallow fields of chaff
  • A courageous patch of volunteer daffodils thriving at the edge of an industrial debris pile
  • Red-winged blackbird clinging to a reed, swaying with the wind
  • Cement pad, maybe once a parking lot, almost entirely reclaimed by grass
  • A male mallard duck navigating water under a trestle bridge
  • Jittery seated train passenger, knees ceaselessly moving, eyes closed, head turning to run his mouth rhythmically along a finger held horizontally to his closely cropped beard
  • Hills, shorn of shrubs, eroding downward
  • Two turkeys in a field
  • A weathered plastic high chair decaying in a ditch miles from anywhere
  • In a lot, semi-trucks, lined up like teeth
  • Rusted swings aside a rusted backhoe, near a rusting gate
  • Post-holiday, Easter rabbit cutouts fill every empty space of an impressively bedecked yard
  • Endless industrial sheds, rust swarming the siding and coloring the surrounding concrete pads
  • Algae blooms in drainage ditches
  • Startled white-tail deer
  • Flare stacks flame skyward on a dystopian landscape littered with piles of tailings and pipe fittings.  The sky is choked with smokestacks and silos.
  • Rounded colorful graffiti on rail cars, surprisingly similar wherever it is found
  • Sets of high voltage towers stretch into the distance
  • Low hanging clouds with only a bird now and then to punctuate the weight
  • High top coal cars open to the sky, parked and piled full
  • Aged, black and rust, steaming industrial silos, lifeless but for the pollution spilling skyward, coal piles, girdles of pipes, smokestacks, and gas flares
  • The Golden Arches soaring above a freeway exit
  • Peeling cement silos standing mid-river, topped with iron bridgework and a multi-lane freeway

Flashing by, each scene holds a place in the arc of a narrative whose endpoints I cannot see. Homeopathic doses of a bigger world only guessed at.

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Standing midway between two opposing elevator banks.

One soul on the 9th of 17 floors.  Humans on the level, humans on the rise, and fall.  The breathwork of buildings.

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